I am so touched by the wonderful kind words and prayers from you all ~ Thank you from the bottom of my heart! I'm not sure what to post yet so I'm not posting anything for right now...I can tell you they have narrowed it down to either Early Cognitive Impairment or Alzheimer's...so it doesn't sound good but it also isn't something that I have to rush home for. We are leaving Japan next month and I will be there with her soon. I'm so thankful we are heading home soon...being here is getting harder each day.
Thank you all so much for the amazing love you have shown me! I am truly blessed!}
***Monday, September 26th
I am staring at my keyboard wondering what to write.
I need to write about something photography related...that's why you come here, to read about other photographers, learn about how they market...blah, blah...that's I feel about it right now. I have no desire to help you be inspired right now~ how's that for being honest. My mind is racing with so much right now...the wondering of what is next in my life. I am blessed beyond belief with three healthy children and a loving husband. I am also feeling like the world is about to slip out from under me. The words ring in my head...has Mom's doctor called you yet?... it sounds bad...they did an MRI...Alzheimer's...brain tumor...don't know anything yet...shit! Yep...I have never cursed here...but that's all I can say to sum up what I'm feeling. I have never felt so far away in my life! Across the whole damn globe and I can do nothing! All of her children live far away...Houston, Arizona and Japan...no one is there with her. I feel like we have abandoned her. I know we all have lives and jobs that have taken us away from our hometown...but how is she feeling right now...is she as scared as we are? I can't even ask her because she doesn't even know what's truly going on.
I wish I knew what to pray for...what do I ask God for?
I'm here talking to you...hoping you will understand my need silence here on the blog. I don't want to think about how much I'm letting you down by not writing...you see, I struggle so much with letting others down. When I don't write something here, I have such guilt. I honestly do think you will be mad or disappointed in me...I hope you are not. I hope you understand. I know you understand because we are all a child of a parent that we love and can't imagine life without them or a life taking care of them...seeing them in a way that breaks our heart.
Thank you for listening. My husband is gone for the month and not here to comfort and dry my tears...I needed desperately to talk and even if no one listened, I still got to talk.
I hope you hear from me tomorrow with a post about how relieved we are that it was nothing to worry about...that suddenly she remembers how to find her way in this world and can do the things she could do before she was "confused". I hope...I hope...I pray...I cry...I have to believe everything will be ok again.
I love you Mom...all the way from Japan and back.